We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle
I don’t write much about habits, but since it’s a new year and people are interested in creating better ones, I thought it’d be a good idea to share some advice. Also, I’ve had some recent success in changing a couple of my own habits, one that I’d been unable to change for quite a while. As usual, I didn’t really reflect on why or how the sudden shift happened until later.
During my run the other day, it occurred to me that there is so much misinformation or overly-complicated information about changing habits, when it all comes down to three simple steps:
- Change the behavior
- Change the quality of the behavior
- Change the characteristics of the behavior
As you can see, the focus of this process is behavior. It’s not about goals, outcomes, objectives or any of that nonsense. They just distract you from focusing on the behavior, or habit. I even have a name for this process: Behavior-Focused Change. But first, a few assumptions.
No Commitment Without Motivation
It goes without saying that one needs to be committed to making change happen. However, the precursor to commitment is motivation. No one will fully commit to something if they aren’t motivated. It’s so simple, yet one key component is often overlooked: motivation is an emotional thing. You can say you’re committed, but if you’re heart isn’t in it, it just ain’t gonna be to your full potential. This is the key that I realized recently. It’s what allowed me to breakthrough and finally become an early riser after years of trying. I finally got excited about getting up early to do something. Joy and passion became my motivation.
That’s why I don’t recommend stressing out about change that hasn’t happened. It just means that it’s not important enough to you to strike an emotional cord. Instead of beating yourself up about it, acknowledge and explore your feelings. Why would you want to do something that you’re not excited or driven to do? The other thing to remember is that we can’t change others. We all know this, and yet we continue to try many, many times. People have to be emotionally motivated to change themselves. That’s exactly why change is so transformational. Enough chatter, let’s explore the three-step process to how you can effect real change in your life.
Step 1 – Change the Behavior
The best thing you can do when you commit to changing a habit is to focus on the behavior and nothing else. Don’t worry about all the details of the behavior, like how long or how well, just focus on doing something different. Time for an example.
Let’s say you want to be more active. Maybe you’re tired of being a couch potato or you work behind a desk all day and feel a bit soft around the edges. Whatever the case, it’s time to change some habits. So what do you do? First, you forget about outcomes like how much weight you want to lose/muscle you want to tone, etc. Second, you make a simple proclamation: I’m going to do something active every day. Third, you do it. Peasy.*
I know what you’re thinking: “It’s not that easy.” That’s where the focus comes in and makes it so. See, you don’t need to qualify your proclamation at all. There’s no minimum time, effort, or any thing else that will work against your psyche. You’re just going outside once a day, that’s all. Take a stroll, ride your bike, do 15 push-ups. It doesn’t matter. What matters is changing the behavior. By not giving yourself criteria, you’re setting yourself up for success to create new habits. There’s no time requirement to make you feel guilty–nothing–just get outside and move once a day. Do this for 30 days or however long it takes for it to become a habit, then move to step 2.
*Peasy - (adj.) easy, uncomplicated; silly shortcode for easy peasy
Step 2 – Change the Quality
Okay, now you’re feeling good because you’ve got some new patterns going on. Good job. But now what? Now it’s time to focus on quality.
Focusing on quality means you’re now concerned with measurement and, to a lesser extent, frequency. Using our fitness example, let’s say you have been doing something active each day, maybe walking. In step 1, you just went out for a leisurely walk each day, sometimes for 15 minutes, other times for 45 minutes–didn’t matter. Now it matters. Now it’s time to set some parameters.
In step 2, you decide how long and how frequently you’re going to be active and you do this based on what will help you reach your goals. Now, you walk 30 minutes a day or you decide to walk for an hour three times a week and do some other activity on the other four days. You set some specific goals. Again, do this until it becomes a habit, then move to step 3.
Step 3 – Change the Characteristics
The last step is all about degree. You’ve changed the behavior and improved the quality, now you need to focus on things like intensity, speed, stamina, etc.: the characteristics of the behavior. Once again, all of this is entirely your call, you determine the degree of change. But this is where you could also bring in outside help. If it’s fitness, maybe you seek out a personal trainer or join a running club to work on speed. If it’s something like writing, maybe you join a writer’s group or work with a coach. An outside perspective will help you push yourself in areas like intensity or stamina. It’ll also continue to reinforce quality (step 2).
Repeat, Re-Use
The great thing about this process is that you can re-use it for the same habit or for new ones. For instance, I constantly strive to improve my running. Now that I’m as active as I want to be (step 1), I focus on the pace, distance and speed (step 2 and 3). On the other hand, I’m still at step 1 with cycling, mainly because I only do it for fun–but if I want to take it up a notch I can move to step 2 and 3.
Even though I’ve used fitness as an example, you can use this approach for everything from quitting smoking to making art. The key is you. You set the parameters, so you define success. Just focus on the behavior, then make changes along the way. If this method doesn’t work for you, check out this habit change cheatsheet. The most important thing is to get started. Before you know it, you’ll be a new person with new, healthy habits.
As always, I don’t claim that this is the only way to success. What are some methods that you’ve used to change or create habits?
Ever feel stressed even though you’ve “simplified” your life? If so, you’re not alone.
Maybe the issue is that simplification didn’t trickle down to your goals. If you’re anything like me, you have a lot you want to accomplish, some short term and others long term. Unfortunately, living simple with scores of goals isn’t exactly the best strategy. In fact, it’s downright counterproductive.
Why? Because too many goals makes you scatter your energies. Yes, you may be interested in all of them, but living simple is about awareness and focus. Let me explain with a story.
For the past few years I’ve wanted to become fluent in Spanish. After visiting Peru in 2009, I returned home more determined than ever to say more than “Hola, como esta?” So last year I did something about it and found a private tutor to teach me once a week. Full Spanish sentences here I come!
Then I did something else I’d always wanted to do: I started a blog. This blog. When I started Liv Simpl, I didn’t have many goals other than helping others live simple and becoming a better writer. But then–gasp!–I actually grew to like blogging and, well, I’ve become addicted. As my blog addiction grew, my Spanish began to suffer. Seriously…my last four Spanish lessons consisted of me stuttering “pero, pero…uhh, como se dice [random word I don't know]” for an hour, making up non-existent grammar and avoiding eye contact with my instructor. It had to stop. Finally, it came time to make a decision: keep having half-assed Spanish lessons or temporarily let go of my goal.
Continue reading »
It’s so easy to do.
Someone asks you to do something and you say “I don’t have enough time.”
You commit to something that starts to be more trouble than it’s worth and pretty soon you’re telling yourself that “you don’t have enough time” to do it anymore. Sound about right?
But it’s a lie.
Continue reading »
Winter is upon us. It’s cold, maybe you even got a little snow by now…okay, maybe a lot. Either way, all you can think about is getting where you have to go and coming home to a hot cup of tea, a warm bowl of soup or a hot coffee. Okay, but remember how at the end of last year, you made a new life resolution to get back into shape, to live a healthier lifestyle? Uh huh. But then, you know, it got real cold and stuff. Dammit! Just when you were all motivated too. Face it, winter’s probably kicking your ass right now and you don’t even know how to get back in the ring. Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. You can reclaim your winter workout and show winter who’s boss by doing these three simple things.
